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Episode 60: When your parents complain, the first problem is sometimes not the real problem

Episode 60 Show Notes

 

When your parents complain, the first problem is often not the real problem

 

  • Examples
  • Obstacles
  • Indicators
  • How to get to the real problem
  • Resources

 

 

Examples

  • Upset about tardies, 6th Grade boy, walking boot, husband had surgery, stressed out about situation, worried teachers would think that she was a bad parent

 

  • Dad was upset about Science grade, 7th Grade girl, Concussion, Hard worker, Is she going to be OK, is she going to be ready for HS?

 

  • Mom and dad were both really upset, 7th Grade girl, family moved from another city, less than 2 weeks in, our daughter is being bullied, we looked into it and she wasn’t, it was taking time to penetrate the friend groups, parents felt guilty about pulling their kids out of school with all of their friends, wanted their daughter to be happy socially IMMEDIATELY



Obstacles

  • Lack of Time
  • History with this parent (Good and Bad)
  • Bias toward complaining parents

Negativity bias is the tendency to pay more attention to negative information than to positive information. Here, more weight is given to negative experiences over neutral or positive experiences.

 

Confirmation bias is the tendency to search, interpret, and recall information in a way that aligns with our pre-existing values, opinions, or beliefs.

 

 

  • Listening with the intent to respond

 

  • The phone

 

Indicators

  • Disproportionate response to size of problem
  • Interaction is not typical based on relationship
  • When you rephrase and check for understanding they don’t feel heard

 

How to get to the real problem

    • 75% of the time, it is exactly what it is
    • Active listening (all the tricks)
    • NOT listening with the intent to respond
    • Open Mind

 

  • Ask Good questions (“What is the real problem here for you?” The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier)

 

    • Take your time
    • Extra Empathy (lens)

 

  • What is causing the emotion? (Usually anxiety)

 

Resources:

 

For your teachers:

  • CLICK HERE for a "Plug & Play PD" called 6 Ways to Build Effective Relationships With Difficult Parents”
  • This is a 45 minute webinar with guided notes
  • You can use this is a video PD with your entire faculty or just to train up one particular teacher in the area of parent communication.



For you:

  • CLICK HERE  for “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”
  •  CLICK HERE for The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 2: Teach your teachers: "The Top 5 Ways to Build Effective Relationships With Difficult Parents
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 10: The 5 C's Of Effective Parent Communication
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 26: How To Handle The 5% Of Parents That Are Trying To Destroy Your School Community
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 29: These "3 Little Words" Will Change The Way That You Lead
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 44: 5 Ways to turn your parents into "Raving Fans"
  • CLICK HERE to listen to Episode 52: The 5 Things That Are Probably True About The Parents At Your School
  • CLICK HERE for Hope and Fears: Working with today's Independent School Parents by Michael Thompson and Robert Evans. (This is an affiliate link. If you purchase through this link, at no additional cost to you, I receive a commission of 4% of the price of the book to help defray the costs of the podcast and the website. You don’t have to use this link if you prefer to purchase the book directly from Amazon or another vendor.)

 

Big Takeaways:

 

When your parents complain, the first problem is often not the real problem

 

  • Examples
  • Obstacles
  • Indicators
  • How to get to the real problem
  • Resources

 

Call to Action

 

  • The next time that you meet with a parent.
  • Ask yourself, “Is the first problem the real problem?”

 

I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! CLICK HERE to get the guide!!

 

I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. CLICK HERE to get the guide!

 

I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. CLICK HERE to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!

 

I’ve created another FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can CLICK HERE to get “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. Thanks!

 

If you implement any of these strategies at your school, I would love to hear from you! Send me a quick note at [email protected] and tell me about it. I can answer your questions and I’m also good at giving pep talks when you get stuck!

 

If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I would love to take my experience and help you to feel less overwhelmed and frustrated or help you have success if you are a brand new leader. I also work with private school leaders who are aspiring Heads of School and want to accelerate their leadership growth or experienced leaders that are moving on to a new school and they want to get off to a great start. If I’m describing you, then CLICK HERE to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.

 

CLICK HERE for a bunch of free resources, including Plug & Play PD's (video webinars with guided notes) for you to use with your teachers, Top Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books, TED Talks and much more!

 

Please follow, rate and review this podcast. The rating helps this podcast to be heard by more leaders and your review gives me valuable feedback so that I can better serve you in future episodes. If you got value from this episode, please text the link to an aspiring leader at your school. Thanks!

 

Music by Twisterium from Pixabay