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Episode 54: Would You Hang Out With People That Talk To You The Way That You Talk To Yourself

Episode 54 Show Notes

 

The 8 Steps to overcoming your negative self talk

 

1 Notice it

2 Name it

3 Reframe it

4 Ask the question: Fact or Feeling?

5 Evidence: portfolio 

6 Human support

7 Be kind

8 Intentional self care



1 Notice it

  • As private school leaders, we are so busy DOING, that we don’t spend enough time NOTICING
  • Self-awareness
  • Recognize when negative self-talk occurs. 
  • Pay attention to your thoughts and feelings
  • Identify patterns of self-doubt or criticism.
  • We just get into patterns and habitual behavior and don't realize it



2 Name it

  • When I am sitting at my desk and I am feeling anxious… STOP, ASK, NAME IT
  • I’m anxious about the parent that I have to call at 4PM
  • What does that have to do with negative self talk?
  • Let’s go back to the title of this episode
  • Would you hang out with people that talk to you the way that you talk to yourself?
  • Someone is bullying you. “No, they are just kidding around”
  • Someone is sexually harassing you. “No, they are just flirting.”
  • Someone is abusing you. “No, he just loses his temper sometimes.”
  • Name it: “THIS IS NEGATIVE SELF TALK”




3 Reframe it

  • Cognitive reframing
  • Cognitive reframing, also known as cognitive restructuring, is a psychological technique used in cognitive-behavioral therapy (CBT) and other therapeutic approaches. It involves identifying and changing the way an individual thinks about a particular situation, event, or thought. The goal of cognitive reframing is to replace negative or unhelpful thought patterns with more constructive, positive, or rational ones.
  • Challenge and reframe negative thoughts. 
  • Replace self-criticism with positive affirmations and constructive self-talk.



4 Ask the question: Fact or Feeling?

  • I use this strategy all the time with myself and with my teachers and my students
  • Math teacher, Thursday and Friday, 43 conferences, 1 went poorly, saw her on Monday, a mess.
  • Fact: experienced, educated, 42 conferences went well, other teachers complained about the parent
  • Feeling: I messed up. I am a terrible Math teacher
  • Scenario: Parent: spent an evening working on school issues
  • Scenario: The board meeting doesn’t go well

 

5 Evidence: portfolio 

  • Episode 37
  • Positive Comments Googledoc
  • Accomplishments
  • Go back and look at it often



6 Human support

  • Seek support
  • Talk to trusted colleagues, mentors, or counselors about your feelings. 
  • They can offer perspective and encouragement.
  • We often SEEK ESCAPISM (social media rabbit hole, alcohol, etc.)

 

7 Be kind

  • Practice self-compassion
  • Treat yourself with kindness and understanding, just as you would with others facing similar challenges.
  • Would you be this hard on a colleague or one of your teachers?
  • We are SO hard on ourselves.
  • A little kinder
  • A little more compassion.



8 Intentional self care

  • Practice self-care
  • Prioritize your physical and mental well-being
  • Sufficient sleep
  • Move a little more
  • Eat a little healthier
  • Mindfulness and relaxation techniques



Big Takeaways:

 

  • The 8 Steps to overcoming your negative self talk

 

1 Notice it

2 Name it

3 Reframe it

4 Ask the question: Fact or Feeling?

5 Evidence: portfolio 

6 Human support

7 Be kind

8 Intentional self care



Call to Action

 

  • Next time you engage in negative self talk, ask yourself, “Is this a fact or a feeling?”

 

CLICK HERE for Episode 37: An Annual Portfolio Will Make You A Happier And Better Compensated Leader 

CLICK HERE for Episode 19: Do You Treat Your Car Better Than You treat Yourself

CLICK HERE for Episode 8: How To Overcome Burnout With Boundaries

 

I want to say thank you for listening to the podcast by giving you a FREE GIFT. It is called The 7 Steps To Having Successful Meetings With Upset Parents. This guide is an 11 page pdf that gives you a step by step plan to have better meetings with the parents at your school. Every good coach has a game plan. Every good teacher has a lesson plan. Too many private school leaders don’t have a plan when they sit down to meet with an upset parent. Well, now you have a PLAN! CLICK HERE to get the guide!!

 

I’ve created a free resource for you called “The 6 Things That Every Private School Teacher Wants From Their Leader”. This guide is a 6 page pdf that will be a game changer for you. I guarantee you that if you do these 6 things, the teachers at your school will be happy to follow you. CLICK HERE to get the guide!

 

I want to give you a gift to say “thank you” for listening to the podcast. I have created a FREE guide for you called “5 Strategies To Help You Work With Difficult Parents”. We know that working with parents is part of the job and most of our parents are great, but some of them can be very demanding and emotional and difficult. This guide will give you the tools that you need to build better relationships and have better meetings with the difficult parents at your school. CLICK HERE to grab the guide. Thank you again for listening every week!

 

I’ve created another FREE RESOURCE for you called “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. This is a 10 page pdf that will help you to keep your staff and students safe and help keep your school out of court. Litigation is expensive, time consuming and extremely stressful. This common sense guide will help you to be more intentional and proactive when it comes to protecting your school. You can CLICK HERE to get “The Top 6 Ways To Protect Your School From a Lawsuit”. Thanks!

 

If you implement any of these strategies at your school, I would love to hear from you! Send me a quick note at [email protected] and tell me about it. I can answer your questions and I’m also good at giving pep talks when you get stuck!

 

If you have gotten value from listening to the podcast, I would love to work with you 1-on-1. I would love to take my experience and help you to feel less overwhelmed and frustrated or help you have success if you are a brand new leader. I also work with private school leaders who are aspiring Heads of School and want to accelerate their leadership growth or experienced leaders that are moving on to a new school and they want to get off to a great start. If I’m describing you, then CLICK HERE to learn more about working with me 1-on-1.

 

CLICK HERE for a bunch of free resources, including Plug & Play PD's (video webinars with guided notes) for you to use with your teachers, Top Lists of Leadership Books, Productivity Books, TED Talks and much more!

 

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